'Tis the Season

'Tis the season, indeed, for a lot of things. It's a phrase I use a lot this time of year, mostly in jest, for many many things. Egg nog, rum, cookies, mayhem, gifts, cold air, sleeping in, parties, etc. Regardless of your (and my) opinion on what the "Season" is "really about", whether that season be Yule, or Christmas, or Hannukah, or Festivus, or whatever, you can justify nearly anything with one little phrase- "'tis the season!"

So, since it is the season, after all, it is time for me to once again do my annual self-evaluation and improvement plan. Actually, this is not a yearly thing for me- I'll take any opportunity to try and get a fresh start. Whether it is my Virgo sun combined with my Capricorn rising, or the blood of my ever-striving Puritan ancestors, or my never-ending quest for approval, or what have you, I always want a do-over. New Years is the obvious time for this, but I've been known to engage in this behavior at semester breaks, my birthday, the start of summer, Halloween (it is the Witches' New Year, after all) and basically whenever I feel in need of an over-haul.

This is not a new thing for me- I have in my possession a piece of yellow legal pad paper, which in pink ballpoint bears the heading "The New Improved Thora" and goes on to list in five minute increments a complete schedule for every day which includes things like "7:15- shower. no dawdling!!", and "4:35- eat healthy snack". 30 minutes is dedicated to practicing my clarinet (every day, of course), another 30 to "Play with baby sister- she needs interaction". Yes, folks, this is a list from when I was the ripe old age of ten. I was reconstructing my self-image with an eye toward a vision of disciplined successful happiness when I was still dotting my "i"s with little pink hearts.

I can hear those of you who know me laughing. Laugh away- I have made my peace with this. We all have our eccentricities, and mine is that I fantasize (and by fantasize, I mean make lists and schedules) of who I want to be. I am ok with this.

The thing is, they never last long. I am nothing if not overly ambitious, and I seem unable to leave things off a list or schedule, even knowing that if I make it too big, I will be overwhelmed and shortly give up. So, this year, though I will no doubt also make a schedule (I'm actually thinking posterboard this year, with different colored stars for when I've completed things- nothing like a little visual motivation!!), I want to list here some of my larger goals, and just see how I do. I think it's helpful to keep a record of the things that are important to you, so that you can keep them in the forefront of your mind. It's easy to get bogged down in day to day living, and forget that there are things you want to do. Not that there's anything wrong with day to day life, in fact the whole premise of my schedules and lists is that I want my day to day life to be a very specific way- but it's easy to get into a rut, and I don't want that.

So, without further ado, may I present to you Ladies and Gentlemen,

2010 Goals

1) Give. I want to give more. Of time, of money, of work. I used to give more when I had less, and I think that's a bad thing. When I was very poor, it was easy to give a little here and there, because I wasn't attached to the idea of having much. When you are worrying about whether or not you're going to eat that weekend, it not only makes you more sympathetic to those who are clearly not going to eat that weekend, it also makes things like saving enough to upgrade your computer or pay the heating bill irrelevant. Computer? That's what public libraries are for. Heat? Heat is for wimps. Put on a sweater.
Not that we're rich now, really, but we've gotten comfortable. And that makes it easy to become selfish. I like having the heat on. I also like buying organic produce, and coffees, and shiny things, and new books, and an ipod dock, and so on. Not that any of that is wrong, per se, but I think it's very important to give what you can (how to define "what you can" is always a struggle for me, and is the subject of a later post, I imagine), and I feel like I've gotten away from that.
I want to start visiting old folks homes- seniors are so often neglected, and I think that's sad. My church also feeds day laborers every week, and I should be more involved in that. I want to dedicate a certain portion of our budget toward giving to charity instead of haphazardly throwing money at charities when I get come-ons in the mail. I've found some good knitting/quilting for charity sites that I want to start doing stuff for them.

This leads us directly into...
2) Be more fiscally responsible. Enough said.

3) Write more. I want to finish at least one book this year, preferably more. (shameless plug- I need lots of positive reinforcement for this, so anyone who thinks I should write more, please remind me of this loudly and frequently. just saying...)

4) Take better care of myself. I need to eat better and more sustainably, and I need to get more exercise. This is an on-going battle, but I am going to fight the good fight again this year. Sigh.

5) Stay in better touch. I plan on writing one real letter every week to someone. Everyone loves snail mail, and I love making it, so I want to make it a regular thing. I'm usually good about staying in touch with with folks, but this past 18 mos or so, I've really slipped, and I want to get back on track. I'd love to make this a group thing- anybody up for meeting once a week over coffee to send someone a card?

Anyway, I'm sure I'll think of more, but those are the most important ones I can think of at the moment. I want to become a better version of myself, to be someone who can be loved and respected, and to be a good member of my community and to bring love and joy to others. My most heartfelt hope is to be a Good Person, and my re-inventions are all with that as the aim. Let's see how much of this next one sticks, shall we?